Wednesday, March 6, 2013

One of "those" days....

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Let's not go there. Blah blah blah...haven't been on here in a long time. Haven't felt the need or itch to write in a long time. Probably because my mind is going a million miles an hour trying to keep up with these crazy kids in this crazy house.
Ah, today.
Today I have no NEED to write.
Its been one of "those" days.
You know the kind. The ones that nothing seems to go right. Everyone is crabby including yours truly. Everyone is arguing. Everyone is STARVING even minutes after they just ate a meal. The kind you wish you would have stayed in bed for. The "they're coming to take me away" kind.
That kind.

Yes, I know, its the crappy part of the long winter. I just want summer. Want to be able to send the kids outside and lock the doors and not feel guilty about doing it. ( would kinda feel bad doing it now as they could actually freeze).

I know this will pass. I know someday I will be sad that I don't have a 1 year old smearing his runny boogery nose on my yoga pants. Someday I will be sad I don't have a screaming 1 year old screaming and flailing his arms madly at me when I try to use a tissue to wipe his nose, I mean I guess he'd rather use my leg. And I guess I will miss being bitten by the same 1 year old every time pick him up. Those little teeth that are trying to come in will make it through right? Can't take much more of it. The ones he has already are razor sharp and I don't really enjoy the teeth marks on my shoulder. Someday I will be sad that I don't have 2 preschoolers begging to go swimming in my bathtub with their swimsuits on, then splashing water everywhere possible and then after you think you have it all cleaned up you step in a big puddle with your no longer dry sock.The 2 preschoolers won't want a bowl of oatmeal desperately every day exactly at 3pm. The little girl won't be asking me every other minute to watch her do her version of ballet. I will be sad that my boys won't need me to sit by them as they do their math lessons. I mean, someday I will be able to workout without locking myself in my bedroom while children are banging on the door, needing me for something that can't possibly wait 25 minutes. Someday. Someday.

but apparently not today.

Nope, today I get to break up fights, comfort little girls that get shot with a Nerf dart in the eye. Make 3,542 meals. I get to pick up 25 socks, the contents of a play kitchen, granola bar wrappers, and a biting baby. Answer 923 questions about "Why do we have to do school?" and "Why do I have to write these sentences?".

But, I also got to snuggle a sweet, sleepy baby before anyone else was up for about 23 minutes. I was able to teach my children something they didn't know before. I was able to feed my children nourishing food. I was able to clothe my children with clean clothes (even if they didn't stay clean for more that 2 minutes). Today my children learned how to get along with each other, they get to practice everyday that family is one of the most important things. They get to take care of each other and learn what it is to work hard as a family. I get to hug my children and tell them how much I love them. I get to be with my children That right there is sometimes the biggest blessing in disguise.

No, I didn't get to put on makeup today or do something noteworthy. I may have felt like today was never going to end. I may have hidden in my room eating 5 chocolate kisses out of my sock drawer. I may have drank way too much coffee to make it until now but I am blessed. Blessed more that I will probably ever know. At least not until my children are grown and raising their own families. So now I will chose to go back into the battle of Motherhood with a smile on my face when just minutes ago I was ready to run away.

How about you? Are feeling this way today? I hope you can step back from everything that is going on around you for a just a minute and look at all the good things that are happening in the midst of the storm you are facing. Maybe its not the same things I'm going through but I promise that if you just take a second and breathe you may just look out the window and see a brighter day.

Thursday, November 22, 2012

Giving Thanks

This morning my thoughts have been on how blessed I am. The Lord has blessed me more that I deserve. After almost overposting on Facebook about everything I'm thankful for I thought it might be better for everyone involved to write all my blessings here.
  1. Jesus. Without his amazing love and forgiveness my life would be completely different. He has restored this family and my marriage over the last year. We may not have had what people would think was a bad marriage but by never giving up on Ben, He got our relationship back where it should be, with Christ as the center!
  2. My handsome Husband. Not only does he provide for us, but he does so without complaining. Ever. I'm serious! In the past couple months Ben has been dealing a lot with being sick, and many days he has to got to work at 4:30am even if he has worked late the nights before and getting only a few hours of sleep. He never complains or whines. He just provides faithfully for his family. I would be whining to anyone within hearing distance if I had to do that. I admire that man so much. I'm thankful that he loves m even when I'm so unlovable and at my crabbiest. He is patient with me. Have I told you how much I love him? It doesn't hurt that he's a handsome one at that;)
  3. My 6, yes SIX!!!!!! children! I really never would have thought that I would be blessed with all these kids. Even though they test me daily to the edge of sanity, I would never trade my life of being their Mama. They make me laugh everyday. And for sure I wouldn't be nearly as funny if I didn't have them. They laugh at all my jokes. Which is good for the ego;) I am so proud of each one of them. Clint, Ethan, Blake, Owen, Audrey and Killian, without you I wouldn't be nearly as crazy but I wouldn't be as happy either!
  4. My sisters. They are my very bestest friends. I talk to them on a daily basis and can't imagine going through life without them. They are some of the funniest girls I know. They are the best girlfriends I could ever ask for!
  5. My mama and papa. Thanks for raising me to love Jesus. Thanks for being there when I need you. Thanks for loving my kids:) They love their Grandma Kay and Grandpa Jim.
  6. For my brothers. Jake, my big brother, I love you even though you used to pick on my like crazy and never seemed to like me much growing up. I loved having a big brother and really loved working with you on the pig farm when I was younger. I thought I was so cool that I got to work with you. It makes me happy that you and Ben are good friends and that our kids love playing together. To my little bothers  Brothers;) Even though we didn't grow up together, I was so happy when you guys were born. And even though it seemed like a lot of work babysitting you and changing your diapers you life wouldn't be the same if you guys weren't around;) You have been wonderful Uncles to your not much younger that yourselves nephews and niece. Michael, I love it that you are my Clint's very bestest bud!
  7. Ben's family. You all have made me feel like one of you all. And after over 11 years I feel like I have always been. You are always there when we need you and thank you for raising up such a wonderful man!
  8. My homeschooling mama's! What would I do if I didn't get the encouragement that I do from you all! Homeschooling alone is enough to break a person but when I need the right words to get me to keep going you know just what to say.
  9. To all of our friends out there. We are so thankful to have each and every one of you in our life! You all bring something different and wonderful to our lives and we love you all so much.
  10. This house!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You know, after living in a small, rundown house for the last 11 years moving to this house feels like a mansion. I never thought I'd be living in a house that is only 3 years old and not over 100 like the other place. I'm thankful for all the room we have now for our growing bunch. A warm home, one that doesn't have drafts everywhere and one that I don't have to worry about keeping a wood stove going all night long. We are only here because of the grace of God. Thank you Jesus for this home!
  11. Ben's job. For over 5 years I had a truck driver for a husband. It was tough. Most of the time I felt like a single mom. Ben was gone usually 5 days as well as nights a week. Some days it felt like I was just trying to make it through the week and not enjoying any of it. Now with Ben home every single night, I feel like I can enjoy each day knowing he will be home at the end and not just pushing through until his day off. Truly living for the weekend so to speak. The kids missed him so much and we always starving for his attention when he would be home. Now he is there for them every night and it has really made a difference in their attitudes and behaviors.
  12. Being able to Homeschool. Now I know it may not seem like I'm thankful for this very much, because truthfully it is a huge commitment and can be very stressful at times. But I'm so thankful that I get to spend all my days with my children teaching them what our family believes are good strong values and skills. To be able to be their biggest influence is a big responsibility but one that we feel is the best for our family.I'm thankful that as of now we are still free to teach our children from our home.
  13. That I am a Stay at Home Mama. It may not be a high paying career but I get payed daily in hugs, kisses and at times, slimy, snotty smears on my shirt. I get to be here when my babies take their first steps, say their first words, and do their first math problems. I get to make "owies" better, give encouragement, and be here whenever my kid need me. I may not get to go to the bathroom alone, or eat my food when its still warm but I'm my kids favorite mommy:)
There are so many, many more things that I am thankful for but right now I need to go take care of my "Blessings" They need their breakfast and someone needs a diaper change. I should add that I'm thankful for disposable diapers! I've done the cloth thing but seriously the disposable same me so much time!
Happy Thanksgiving!!

Wednesday, October 24, 2012

The Ugly


Its been a while but that is what I love about this.

It might have been months but you are always here waiting for me, old friend, my blog.

We have settled quite nicely into our new home. Its better than we could have ever dreamed we'd be living in.

It's amazing, isn't it? The way the Lord takes care of us and meets our needs when we just can't see where we are going anymore. He meets us right where we are.

You'd think that we are perfect now. And though the Lord has met our every need, He is still working on those nagging things in our back closet. Those issues you really didn't even know you had. because you had never had the things you have now and never needed to tested and cleaned out.


Its an ugly word.

I always knew I was selfish to some extent. I mean, who isn't? Its in our very fleshly, human condition.

God is teaching us that with the blessings He has so richly bestowed upon us, we need to be more giving and sharing about what He has given us. And I do love giving. There is such rich blessings when you do. I thought I was pretty good at it. That is until God starts showing me ways that I'm not acting in an unselfish way.

I'm embarrassed to even be telling you this. I felt all afternoon that I need to share this though.

Here is is. The Ugly.

It started almost immediately after we moved here. Another family moved in on the same property as us. ( There is an old farmhouse that the owner decided they could live in while they fixed it up) Right away I thought, OH NO! I wanted some of the neat old furniture that was in the house! Right away I felt like I should slap myself! These people have practically nothing and here I am with everything I ever wanted and it still wasn't enough! Then the young mama living there came and asked if she could have some of the canned goods in the basement that were left here for our use. Her husband hadn't been payed yet from his new job and they didn't have a lot of money for food.Of course! What would Jesus do! I thought. After I gave her what I thought should be good enough, she said she would probably come back later to get more, my selfishness roared its big ugly head again. I thought- my, isn't it enough what I gave her? After she left, I was so overwhelmingly convicted and the verse about giving someone the shirt off your back kept slapping me in the face. I loaded up a basket of groceries out of my pantry and walked the humble road to her house. She was very thankful and grateful for my meager offering. What is wrong with me? Why do I act like a 2 year old? I have everything I need and more. All given to me by the grace of God and yet still., here I am acting like a child!

I am very ashamed about my selfish thoughts and actions. There have been numerous little things other than those stories that have shown me my horrible problem of selfishness. And yes, I do think that this culture we live in has groomed me to be this way. Everybody is taking care of #1. Everywhere you look is, Have It My Way! Everything shouts out "IT'S MINE". Why have we become a society that is so selfish? Aren't we supposed to help each other and take care of one another? What about "Love your brother as yourself"? That is probably the hardest one out there! Its easy to be generous outwardly but what about my thoughts? Are they selfless? Are they giving? That is probably where I struggle the most.

Want to know something though? Its pretty awesome! We can change! God keeps giving me opportunities to be selfless in deed and thought! He keeps testing me and I hope with His help I am learning something through this.

Oh, Lord, please continue to show me areas in my life that need to be cleaned and polished so I can have a heart like Yours!

Wednesday, August 29, 2012

The post in which I blubber so much it's embarrassing!

This week has been Cr.a.zy!
Right now, the kids are sprawled out in a living room with no couches. Only blankets and pillows on the floor. Watching Kung Fu Panda 2. I had a hard time getting little K down for the night since I usually sit on the couch and nurse him til he's asleep and watch JAG ( remember JAG? love that show). he thought it was WAY too much fun to try and climb on the older kids than go to sleep. Had to go up and rock him in my room and listen to Ben snore for quite a while to get him down.
 The reason the kids are on the floor, you ask? Well, Dad and a couple of Uncles came around today and stripped the house of all Living Room furniture and their beds. They are thinking its pretty neat! I'm thinking last night was the last night I would tuck them into their tight, make you claustrophobic, squished as sardines bedroom. I wish I would have know it was to be the last night.
I'm sentimental like that.
Want to know what else I'm sentimental about? 
well, more like the picture in the frames.
The ones that were way up high and way in the back of the closet I was digging stuff out of today.
Could have had a big cry fest if I wouldn't have been being rushed to get the trailer filled.
So many frames of this woman as a new bride with her handsome groom. So many pictures of this woman as a new mommy with her little wee ones. So many photos of this woman when she was just a girl that thought she was so old and smart and knew everything. The girl moved into this house as a blushing bride just back from her Honeymoon, never knew that she was going to be filling this small little house with lots of babies, lots of laughter, lots of loudness, and most importantly lots of love. That girl never would have thought she would be living in the house more than 11 years later. She never would have suspected the struggles she would have. Never would have dreamt of the wonderful memories made here. Never would have thought of all the many birthdays celebrated here. Never known how she could have had so much joy living in this little house- not that she loved the house by any means, but about how many things made this house a home. The home where she put her little babies in their bassinets when they were brought home from the hospital. The home where she cleaned up sick kids messes. The home where she kissed so many "owies". The home where her babies took their first steps, their first falls. The home where she taught her children their school lessons. The home where you could never whisper a secret because someone could hear it no matter how quiet you where :) The home with only one bathroom and it was in the second story. The house that I potty trained 5 children ( some while very pregnant, climbing those stairs thousands of times!)
I will never forget the memories made in this little house under the Big Oaks. The house that has given me mounds of stories, of killing all the mice that tried to live with us. The never ending battle of spiders. The feeling of being so squished and trapped in the winter. The freezing in our bedrooms and being able to see your breath while you lay under layers of heavy blankets. The feeling of the wood stove, the sound of the wood crackly in the flames.
Even though our house was small, it was filled with love ( I know major cheese fest! - I am feeling that was right now!) And we always hoped when friends and family visited that they felt welcome and at home. I am super excited about the new bigger house and I'm sure we will make lots of new memories that I will go on and on about. Its just hard to leave something that's been a part of you for so long. Even if it drove you crazy, and you felt like you wanted it to burn to the ground ( when no one was in it , of course) and also be the one to light the match;) So we will say good bye, little house under the Mighty Oaks. You held our family and kept us safe. Thank you for all the life we have lived inside of you. And of all the memories that were made here, the mice will be the thing I won't miss at all!
That the end of my blubbering. For tonight anyways.

Monday, August 27, 2012

Let the packing begin....

WOW! All I have to say is "WOW!" to those who have moved multiple times! My hat is off to you! Packing is alot of work! I always dreaded this part of the thought of moving. I'm thankful that this is the first time I've had to do it. But then again, maybe if we've moved before I wouldn't have over 11 years of STUFF to pack! I've been filling boxes like crazy and it doesn't there doesn't seem to be an end in sight. I better hurry though, according to Ben we will be spending our first night at the new place this Friday.
We spent this past weekend mostly at the new place. I mostly helped the gentleman, who is living there now, move all his stuff to a corner of the basement for the time being and packing up his kitchen. Its quite a job with the kids running around and trying to keep little Killian occupied. I may have to take up my MIL's offer of watching the little ones this week a couple times.
 I packed up the van this morning with the first of what I'm sure will be multiple loads of household stuff. I'm hoping to get over there once the little kids get up from their naps. Then Clint has football and then we will be back over there again this evening. My head is spinning- is yours? 
Clint started 5th &6th Grade Tackle Football last week. He is so excited about it. He has been looking forward to this all summer. He looks so cute in all his gear:) He will be keeping us busy with driving him into practice in Litchfield 2 times a week with an extra one this week. ( Of course- the week we are moving!).
Please say a prayer that I don't lose my sanity this week! Hopefully the next time I am on here will be to show pictures of the new place and tell how much we love it there!