Ode to Soft Water

Oh, Dear Water Softener,

Why do you torture me so?

You made my whites so bright

 for five short years or more.

But now you mar my delicates

with ugly stains of orange.

Did I not appreciate your soft touch
or how the sinks shone brightly in the morn' ?

You are testing my patience,

I may have to toss you out.

For my handy man of a husband

can't seem to figure you out.

You make us think your working.

I get so joyful with glee.

Thinking I may get to wash some underwear

Or maybe cloth dipee's.

I start that fateful load to washin'

hopeful as can be

But as soon as I start lookin'

its not as it should be.

For in that washer I see my fears.

You've destroyed my hopes and dreams
Please dear, softener of water
Start working soon or I may just have to scream!