Be Still

This week has been a rollercoaster, putting it mildly.

I will start from the beginning.

At the start of last week, we were all geared up for the Primary Election that Ben was running for County Commissioner. Full of calling people, campaigning, and stress. By the end of Tuesday night we were biting our nails watching the results coming in. It was a close one, Ben getting 62 votes putting him in second with the 3rd place getting 60. He was in. Everything we had been working so hard to accomplish this entire summer had payed off. We were relieved and I was so happy Ben was happy. It was one of his goals to become County Commissioner and we were one step closer to making it.

Wednesday was just a nice day to enjoy the victory.

Thursday, Ben had a meeting with someone who we knew was moving soon and was thinking about leasing it out. It was something we had been praying about. A big house with lots and lots of room for our growing family and all in something we would possibly be able to afford.

I was a bundle of nerves that day, praying, waiting to hear how the meeting went. Finally when I couldn't handle it anymore- the waiting was getting to me- I decided to make an angelfood cake to keep my mind occupied. Mid-whipping the egg whites into an amazing meringue the phone rings. Ben calling to say we are moving! I am surprised the cake turned out my mind was so frazzled after that. We couldn't sleep that night. It was an unreal feeling. This thing that we had been praying and hoping for for the last 11 years living in this cramped home. I hadn't even seen the inside of the house at this point but knew that if God was opening this door for us, it would be exactly what we needed.

I had to wait until Saturday to see that house which was torture in itself. When we pulled up to the house the kids were so excited, running around that big yard, exploring the 23 acres!!! 23 acres!!!!! It is beautiful!

Ben and I headed to the house while the kids roamed the yard. As I stepped in, I wanted to just be jumping up and down, but somehow I composed myself and didn't make a fool of myself. The kitchen is everything i wanted in a kitchen. Compete with a stove top on the large island. Double oven on the wall and granite counter tops. At this point I was telling God, O.K Lord, This is a little over the top, this is too good for us. Then I stepped into the master bedroom. WOW!!! Twice the size of ours now complete with the best walk in closet ( A CLOSET!!!!!! I am almost more excited about closets than anything else in the house!!!) and a very large master bathroom with a big giant tub!

There is one other bedroom on the main floor and a big unfinished basement that will eventually be where the boys' bedrooms with be. We are just going to make them a rough bedroom down there for the time being.

The house is huge! Are you ready? Over 4000 sq. ft.!!!! That is like 3 times the size we are living in now! This was truly an amazing answer to prayer. Every hurdle that we thought would hinder us was taken care of. Every obstacle that we were sure would be a problem were already figured out. As we walked through the house with the Owner, the things he was telling us were just one right after the other Gods way of telling me that He had it all under control.

Not long after we got home from seeing the house, a neighbor came over to chat with Ben. After talking for a while, he asked where it was that we were moving to. Ben told him where and he told him that it wasn't in the District that Ben was running. Ben was confused, he thought for sure it was. They got out the plat book and looked and found out that it is literally 100 yards over the district line. After the neighbor left, Ben came in the house and informed of what he just learned. I was shocked. I immediately teared up but tried to compose myself. I told Ben that though this was the hardest thing I was ever going to tell him, if he thought that God wanted him to stay in our house and for him to continue running for Commissioner, I would be happy and not hold it against him. The next hours were torture for him. I could see the inner turmoil running rampant though him. He went to bed really early that night because he just didn't want to think about it anymore.

 That night I had a hard time sleeping. I was trying to resign myself to living here. I asked God why He allowed me to see the place of my dreams only to be ripped away from it right after. I thought that maybe I was being tested or tempted to see if I would be patient and wait for Him to lead us. Would I follow what I wanted or would I wait patiently for Him? I thought, maybe we are supposed to stay here and Ben to be commissioner. It was a rough night to say the least. It is so hard to know what God wants us to do sometimes.

The next morning, Be told me he was going to withdraw from the race and we would be moving. I couldn't believe it! I know how much Ben wanted the seat. He worked so hard for it. I felt horrible, that he was doing this for me. He emailed a bunch of his supporters and put his reasons on his Facebook wall. After he posted it I read it and I teared up, he was putting me first. 

I have never felt so loved by him. That was an enormous sacrifice for him to make. I really feel that he did make the right choice, not because it was what I wanted but that he has peace about it.

I am completely overwhelmed. I feel like the Lord is pouring out His blessings down on us. I told the Lord 'Its too much Lord, we dont' deserve it! We are not worthy of this'. I want anyone who is reading this to know, it is ONLY by the Grace of God that we are able to move to this place. It is only by the Grace of God that He heard the desires of my heart and is making them a reality! It is only, only by the Grace of God that he is working this out all in His perfect timing. I have felt over the past years that we were just standing still, waiting. It is such a hard place to be. I think it is way harder to Be Still than it is to move, especially when it seems everyone else around you seems to be in the fast lane and you are just stalled on the side of the road. I really had to learn what it meant to Be Still, and Know That He is God. I think the Lord was waiting for me to learn what it truly meant before this would all happen. I want to encourage you, if you feel like you've been just standing there waiting for His move so you can move forward. It will happen. It might take years. It will be a struggle. It might not happen the way YOU think is should, actually it probably WON'T! God's ways are perfect. His timing is perfect! You have no idea how many times I thought I knew how God should do things. I had it all figured out. If only He would do it this way, I would be happy. Or only if He would make this happen, I would be happy. It wasn't until I realized that only He knows what is best for me and allow Him to lead us would I be happy.

I waited patiently for the Lord. ( Psalm 40:1)

I encourage you to wait patiently for God's leading. Many times over the years, we have tried to make moves that were not part of His plan and in doing so we struggled even more than we would have had to. When we try to take it into our own hands and make moves and decisions that were not according to his word, He allows us to suffer for our mistakes so that we will run back to Him and rely solely and purposely on Him.

I have faith in God that it will happen just as he told me. ( Acts 27:35)